post dated new years resolutions

Things are finally calming down after the new year. All the out of town guests are gone, holiday decorations are down and I start school on Thursday. The new year was extremely fun. It was awesome to be around people I have known for over half my life. Zoe came into town and sort of brought everyone together. It was drunken debauchery. However, I paid the price of partying for days.

I have been extra emotional lately. Not in bad ways per say. But over all, I feel things more deeply than I usually do. Yesterday I had an especially bad day. However , I was determined to turn the day around. When I got home, I started trying to relax and ended up slightly wasted instead. It turned out to be a good thing because Neil and I ended up having an at home dance party , spinning records and taking silly pictures in the guest room for hours. It was fun. And more importantly, I managed to turn my frown upside down. During our the makeshift party at home, I started some internal analysis and came up with some "new" New Year's resolutions.

My biggest "new" resolution is to have more fun in my life. As I get older, the idea of fun becomes more and more distant. Obligations and responsibilities become the focus and "fun" falls on the back burner. I get so caught up on what I have to do and all that I accomplish that I forget to "smell the roses". Instead of worrying about being late in the morning on the way to work, I would rather appreciate the sunrise and the beauty of the morning. Instead of wasting my evening stressing about my work day; I'd rather kick on some socks, put on a groovy record and dance my heart out. I want to incorporate things into my weekends that I enjoy like canoeing or camping. If it means I have to miss a birthday party here or a graduation there, then so be it. I love my friends and family but I just can't do everything for everyone else. I need to take some time for myself and my happiness. I think with a little work and an attitude adjustment, I can balance the two nicely.

The second resolution I made sounds juvenile, but has a deeper context. I decided I need to be less "snobby". Generally I am pretty open minded when it comes to people. I don't judge people based on color, sexual preference, social class or other common divides. I do however judge people based on silly things like personal style, political stances, astrological signs and/or religious preferences. I admit it, I am biased against Christian fundamentalists and republicans. And god forbid you have bad hair. I think I built up this "snobbery" as a defense mechanism. I am ultra sensitive, and I take disappointment very seriously. I have to have an initial filtration system. I usually decide in the first few mins in I like someone one or not. If I get good vibes, you are golden. If I get bad vibes, good luck ever getting close to me. You are pretty much doomed.

Now while I am sure this "filtration" has saved me a lot of wasted time and energy, I think maybe I am missing out on crucial pieces of the puzzle here. I will always be choosy about who I let close to me, that will never change. But I think I need to dig a little deeper before I decide who is worthy of my time and who isn't. I mean I am trying to understand that "we are all one" and that we are all connected. All people, in some way or another, are a manifestation of myself right? Therefore I should be more open minded and give people more of a chance. That is unless they meet my openness with ignorance and/or constant negativity. I need to stay away from negative energy. But I think I can remove myself without passing judgment. That is the key.

I also feel restless lately. I am bored with the complete humdrum of my life. Thank goodness for Neil, he keeps life bearable, interesting and fun. I am hoping school shakes things up a bit and makes life exciting again. I need some challenges. Good challenges that inspire me and encourage positive growth. I also think I need a visit to the physic. And maybe a witch doctor, does anyone who a person who does curse removal? I think my mother put too many curses on me as a child growing up and now I need a karma cleansing. Childhood curses are a hazard of being descended from witchy Italian women.

It is the new year people, and I don't feel any different..... yet!