pinch, poke.. you gotta love me.

Okay so I am an astrological snob. It's true. I can't tell you how many people I have offended by saying rude things about their signs. Especially Aries, but I can't help it. Aries drive me crazy. However one of the people who I loved most in the world was an Aries (my dead grandmother), therefore they can't all be bad.

Now maybe I spend a lot of time pointing out the flaws of other people's signs. Like the Aries tendency to be completely self absorbed, obnoxious, insecure and late to everything. Or Virgo's critical hypocrisy, mixed with their hyper sensitivity and worry wart ways. I can't stand the Aquarius lack of empathy for anything, unless it affects them directly, and their tendency to laugh at people when they loose their cool and get emotional - they are so detached at times, like the rest of us are all one big science experiment to them. And don't even get me started about Capricorns. Anyway, you get the picture.

Now while other people's signs take a little criticism from me, trust me, I am the hardest on my own sign. So don't think it's anything personal when I make a crappy comment about your astrological sign, I mean what else would you expect a cancer to do?

For all it's glory, being a cancer isn't a easy ride. I often compare being a cancer with being the jewish mother of the zodiac. Now does that sound like an easy gig? Heck na?

First off do have any idea what it's like to have a changing emotion every few minutes? Talk about moody. It is like having PMS all the time. It's a roller coaster of emotions. And let me tell you , it is exhausting. One min everything is beautiful and perfect. Ten minutes later, the whole world is coming to an end. It is a bi-polar nightmare.

Also do you have any idea how sensitive we are? No? well then either you are not very observant or we are hiding it (we are good at hiding things IF we want to). For god sakes EVERYTHING hurts my feelings. You could roll your eyes while I was talking about something important, and I will remember it for a lifetime and probably use it against you later. Because not only are we sensitive but we are clingy. That means we hold onto EVERYTHING. Every last hurt, every rejection, every receipt we don't need anymore, every toxic relationship and every piece of crap which has any sort of sentiment associated with it. Do you know what it is like to lug around not only a bunch of physical crap, but also emotional crap everywhere?

What next? Okay how about being a constant nurturer? Do you think I like fussing over whether or not you are taking your vitamins, wearing your seat belt, using condoms, sending thank you notes or paying your back taxes? Hell no, I don't. But I simply can't help it. I can not stop myself from meddling into other people's lives and giving my opinions. After all, I love you , I want you to be happy and I want you to do the best in your life. Even if that means I have to be a ball busting bitch and micro manage everything for you! Sorry it is just my nature.

Let's move on shall we?

How about the annoying trait of being a romantic? That's right, when you are a cancer you romanticize EVERYTHING. You want prince charming to ride in on a horse and sweep you away. You want everyday to be perfect and full of beauty. You want all your gifts with bows on top and perfect wrapping. You want your tacos to be perfect and your house to be the most comfortable , beautiful mecca of social gatherings. You want to be the most reliable friend, the best hostess, the best mother, the best daughter. Needless to say that in your mind, everything should always be perfect and when it's not, cancers get so DISAPPOINTED. Not to mention our tendencies to pout and manipulate if we don't get our way.

Now don't get me wrong. Even with all of my complaints I love me some cancers. Some of my bestest friends in the whole world are cancers (including Neil, the love of my life.)

We certainly can be charming when we want to. We will make you laugh one moment, dazzle you with our profound insight the next, then have you in tears with our sad stories, and finally we snuggle you up and cook you a FANTASTIC meal. No matter how mad you get at us, no one can really stay long at a cancer too long. We are just too endearing , and may I add.. too cool!

Anyway, that was your astrology lesson for the day. Beware, there will be a pop quiz later.