trying to be a glass is half full sort of girl!

Okay so I feel a little guilty for not writing sooner. But every time I sat down to write, I hated everything that came out. Sometimes I get serious writer's block. So today I decided to publish whatever I wrote even if I hated it. Not a great way to start a blog I know.

The past few weeks have been a blur. Today marks the two month point of not having a job, and it seems so much longer than that. Even though I am officially unemployed, I am always on the go. I was SUPER busy when I had a job, and now that I don't have a job; I am just REALLY busy :)

The past two weeks have been a mix of strangeness. My body is completely out of whack. I am still recovering from chemo(it was a whole month ago), I am just pulling out of a post chemo induced flare-up, I am on a intense diet( that involves taking diet pills), and I have wicked PMS. Needless to say I have been a tad bit moody. I have also been trying to avoid a serious depression.

It so easy, sometimes, to focus on the negatives in life. I have MS, I have no job, I have two years left of school.. blah, blah.. boo hoo. However I have spent the last week really trying to clear my head, doing some serious self reflection, and basically trying to change my attitude. I can spend all my time focusing on the scary depressing things or I could focus on the good things and obtaining my goals. It is so easy to get bogged down in the negative. It's so much harder to push it out of my head and just "let it go".

Neil and I started couples therapy this week. We have had some communication problems lately, which led us to realize that are facing some big challenges in our relationship. Luckily we have a good therapist that we found about a year ago. His name is Dr. Quinn and he must be about 85 years old. He is very intelligent, funny, and most of all... very direct. Dr. Quinn doesn't pussy foot around, so to speak. He calls it like he sees it and gets to the heart of the matter quickly. I always appreciate the fact that Neil is willing to go to couples therapy when we face hurdles in our relationship. I know it is harder for him than it is for me, because he is so naturally introverted.

Aside from therapy, Neil and I also decided to take our birthday trip to North Carolina this year. I am so excited about it. I have NEVER been to North Carolina and I have ALWAYS wanted to go. We are going to stay mostly around the Asheville area. We found a really adorable cabin we are going to rent for three nights. It is pretty secluded, and it has a hot tub! For the other nights that we are in North Carolina we are either go to camp out underneath the stars or couchsurf. I really need a nature vacation. Hiking, canoeing, rafting.. it all sounds heavenly. Although we hear that Ashville is a pretty happening little town, so we may get in some fun nightlife as well.

So I have officially been on the "Desired Image" weight loss plan for two weeks tomorrow. Since my best friends own the diet clinic, I get an incredible deal. So far I have lost around nine lbs. Honestly, I don't know if I would have stuck to it, if my best friends didn't run the clinic. They offer me such support. It has not been easy to break my bad eating habits, However, it has definitely been worth all the hard work. I feels good to take some control over that part of my life. And it feels even better to see the numbers on the scale go down. I have five lbs left to loose to get back to my pre-campath weight. I have two weight lose goals after that, so I really hope I can keep the momentum going.

Today is my last official day of class for this semester. I have one week left after today of an online class and then I get a two week break from school. Whoo hoo, another semester down! Only five more to go. As of May 11, I should completely be admitted to the elementary education program at USF. It has proven quite difficult to get into this program. They really make you do a crap load of stuff. But I am keeping my eye on the prize. I can't believe it has taken me so long to figure out what I want to be, and I am still in a little shock that what I want to be is an elementary school teacher. But I feel good about everything. I also decided that if I absolutely hate teaching, I will probably go on to law school as opposed to graduate school. I'd love to do some advocacy law and maybe use my law skills for good instead of evil.

But I can only focus on one goal at a time. And right now that goal is getting my observation paper done for class tonight.

So, sorry it has taken me so long to update. Hopefully this marks the end to my writer's block.

till we meet again!