peek a boo

I am sitting here bored. Bored by choice as a matter of fact. I could be doing at least 10 different productive things right now, but instead I am here. Looking at this sad abandoned blog. Wondering where the instinct went that compelled me to share my boring little life with an absentee internet audience.

I hate this blog. I hate that it's here.. However, erasing this one seems wrong. Everything else I can wipe out without a single regret , but this seems more sacred than all the others. It is an empty reminder of who I was months ago. Normally, I like to forget that person, forget all those thoughts. That way I can really live in the moment. The less reminders of the past, the less compulsion to live in it. I must wipe it away in order to propel forward.

My memory is getting worse everyday. I completely forget people who have called, texted, and even wrote. As soon as I put off returning someone's call, email or text message ; the event is gone from my mind. I HATE THAT! DAMN YOU MS!!

I want to go be creative right now. I want to go paint, or sew or create something. But that seems like a luxury indulgence. I should be using my time for more practical things. Like bathing the dog, watching my Aunt slowly die, or cleaning my car. I think I am hard wired wrong. Too much catholic guilt for someone who was never REALLY catholic.

My creative side bloomed late in life. I always felt creative but creations never really manifested. But now , everything inspires me. I want to create all the time. Of course, not much is original. I copy most of what i create... but that helps my technique.

That's it. that is all I feel like writing now. But even this little blurb felt good.