The end of a blog!

Hi guys,
Due to some unforeseen changes, I am going to have to make some big decisions in my life and discover some new adventures. Therefore I won't be able to devote any more time to this blog detailing my boring life. So instead of leaving you hanging, I am going to take this time to say ciao. It's been fun. Thanks for reading, commenting and showing such support. Maybe when I get back on course I'll start a new blog.... but until then ...

Good bye!

trying to be a glass is half full sort of girl!

Okay so I feel a little guilty for not writing sooner. But every time I sat down to write, I hated everything that came out. Sometimes I get serious writer's block. So today I decided to publish whatever I wrote even if I hated it. Not a great way to start a blog I know.

The past few weeks have been a blur. Today marks the two month point of not having a job, and it seems so much longer than that. Even though I am officially unemployed, I am always on the go. I was SUPER busy when I had a job, and now that I don't have a job; I am just REALLY busy :)

The past two weeks have been a mix of strangeness. My body is completely out of whack. I am still recovering from chemo(it was a whole month ago), I am just pulling out of a post chemo induced flare-up, I am on a intense diet( that involves taking diet pills), and I have wicked PMS. Needless to say I have been a tad bit moody. I have also been trying to avoid a serious depression.

It so easy, sometimes, to focus on the negatives in life. I have MS, I have no job, I have two years left of school.. blah, blah.. boo hoo. However I have spent the last week really trying to clear my head, doing some serious self reflection, and basically trying to change my attitude. I can spend all my time focusing on the scary depressing things or I could focus on the good things and obtaining my goals. It is so easy to get bogged down in the negative. It's so much harder to push it out of my head and just "let it go".

Neil and I started couples therapy this week. We have had some communication problems lately, which led us to realize that are facing some big challenges in our relationship. Luckily we have a good therapist that we found about a year ago. His name is Dr. Quinn and he must be about 85 years old. He is very intelligent, funny, and most of all... very direct. Dr. Quinn doesn't pussy foot around, so to speak. He calls it like he sees it and gets to the heart of the matter quickly. I always appreciate the fact that Neil is willing to go to couples therapy when we face hurdles in our relationship. I know it is harder for him than it is for me, because he is so naturally introverted.

Aside from therapy, Neil and I also decided to take our birthday trip to North Carolina this year. I am so excited about it. I have NEVER been to North Carolina and I have ALWAYS wanted to go. We are going to stay mostly around the Asheville area. We found a really adorable cabin we are going to rent for three nights. It is pretty secluded, and it has a hot tub! For the other nights that we are in North Carolina we are either go to camp out underneath the stars or couchsurf. I really need a nature vacation. Hiking, canoeing, rafting.. it all sounds heavenly. Although we hear that Ashville is a pretty happening little town, so we may get in some fun nightlife as well.

So I have officially been on the "Desired Image" weight loss plan for two weeks tomorrow. Since my best friends own the diet clinic, I get an incredible deal. So far I have lost around nine lbs. Honestly, I don't know if I would have stuck to it, if my best friends didn't run the clinic. They offer me such support. It has not been easy to break my bad eating habits, However, it has definitely been worth all the hard work. I feels good to take some control over that part of my life. And it feels even better to see the numbers on the scale go down. I have five lbs left to loose to get back to my pre-campath weight. I have two weight lose goals after that, so I really hope I can keep the momentum going.

Today is my last official day of class for this semester. I have one week left after today of an online class and then I get a two week break from school. Whoo hoo, another semester down! Only five more to go. As of May 11, I should completely be admitted to the elementary education program at USF. It has proven quite difficult to get into this program. They really make you do a crap load of stuff. But I am keeping my eye on the prize. I can't believe it has taken me so long to figure out what I want to be, and I am still in a little shock that what I want to be is an elementary school teacher. But I feel good about everything. I also decided that if I absolutely hate teaching, I will probably go on to law school as opposed to graduate school. I'd love to do some advocacy law and maybe use my law skills for good instead of evil.

But I can only focus on one goal at a time. And right now that goal is getting my observation paper done for class tonight.

So, sorry it has taken me so long to update. Hopefully this marks the end to my writer's block.

till we meet again!

after the rain comes sun

The tramp moves on to the end of the street
I listen to the echo of his hobnail feet
For some there's a future to find
But I think they're leaving me behind.

The world humes on at its breakneck pace
People fly in their lifelong race
For them there's a future to find
But I think they're leaving me behind.

The chances they come, but the chances have been lost
Success can be gained, but at too great a cost
For some there's a future to find
But I think they're leaving me behind.

The wind sweeps up and goes back to its tree
The rain flows by and moves to the sea
For them there's a future to find
But I think they're leaving me behind.

rough night last night, too many nightmares. Nightmares so bad that they haunt me during the day time.

Maybe it was the bang bang tacos. Never a good thing to eat something called bang bang tacos so close to bedtime.

Although, a nice dinner at the Bonefish Grill with my man might have been worth it. We got a booth. We never get a booth there. Delicious wine. Interesting conversation.

Yesterday Neil and I had an argument during the day. It is rare for us to even argue at all. Of course it was short lived. It was a matter of miscommunication, frustration and super sensitivity. I can actually take the blame for it. Our arguments are usually one of two things, usually it starts with one of us playing Devil's advocate over some silly philosophical conversation or it is some stupid argument over whether to use a trash can liner or not. I don't like when we argue, but I do understand that arguments are a natural part of a relationship. Neil on the other hand, despises conflict. He really gets upset when we argue. Even when we do argue, we rarely raise our voices and hardly ever curse. I did shoot him the bird yesterday (BAD sassypants) which I feel pretty guilty about.


Yesterday, before we went out to dinner, I had a strong realization. I was looking around at my beautiful house, and at my beautiful man. And I realized how incredibly lucky I am. I mean materialistically and emotionally. I have such a nice life. I have everything I could want and more. I am pretty spoiled. I think of people in other countries who worry about having enough food and I can't even imagine what that would feel like. Although I have been there myself, years ago. I mean, I have an Iphone for god's sake.

In addition to the physical luxury, I have so much love that surrounds me. I have the best boyfriend a girl could ask for, supportive family members who accept me for who I am, the best dog ever, amazing friends, and so many opportunities. It really is something of a surprise to me that I could feel so lucky. After I was diagnosed with MS, I never thought I would have that feeling again. I mean being diagnosed with something like MS feels like a curse. And yet here I am , feeling over whelmed with my good luck and good fortune. It was a nice moment, to say the least.

well time to have a birthday brunch with my Aunt.

Then tonight my friend's Becky and Xavier are having a party.


Let the madness begin~

And it comes in threes.

I am guess I am sort of superstitious. I had to admit it, but I am. I get nervous on Friday the 13th (yes, we had two of them back to back this year). I throw salt over my shoulder when I spill it. I wish on shooting stars. And I also tend to notice how things come in threes. This week was a sad week for the "three" rule. First my friend's grandmother was found in a diabetic coma on her kitchen floor. That was Tuesday, she is still in a coma and her outlook is not too good. Next, a friend of Neil's family died. A younger woman, completely unexpected. And then finally yesterday my neighbor's cute little 5 month year old chihuahua got hit by a car. So devastating!!

It is a rainy Friday. Hopefully the rain will wash away all the tragedy from the week. It has been a rough week in general, aside from all the death around me. I am having a small flare up, which is expected. However, this was a bad week for my head to hurt, my brain to quit processing and my eyes not to work- especially considering how much school work I had to catch up on. But I was a trooper and I did everything I needed to do. So maybe I can finally have a weekend of rest and relaxation that I so desperately need. I have two birthdays this weekend. Yes, Aries have hit with a vengeance. Luckily, I don't feel stressed out about the birthdays this month. I guess after the insanity of being Jessica's maid of honor, everything else seems calm.

So now in the month of April I guess I am looking for a job; waiting for my application to the college of Education to be accepting, so that I can register for summer classes; working on my documentary; painting the guest room; and working on my garden before it gets too hot to go outside. Neil and I are trying to figure out what to do for our birthday in July (we have the same birthday). So far we have talked about going to New Orleans, Chicago, a road trip through North Carolina or a trip to San Fran with a three night mini trip to Yosemite. So many options which all sound good. Neither of us have been to North Carolina or Yosemite. I hate wasting a trip on somewhere I have been. Plus, everywhere is so friggin hot in the summer. GRRRR! Hopefully we will figure it out soon. I was thinking that we could just put all of the options in a hat and pick one. I am a big supporter of picking ideas out of a hat and going for it. Sort of some preplanned spontaneity. <----oxymoron?

Next week is an exciting week. Monday Neil and I are going to see Amy Goodman talk at a WMNF benefit. I love Amy Goodman. She is inspires me more than I can express. Then Wednesday Jenn and I are going to Busch Gardens. Sun, fun, animals and roller coasters. Thursday Jenn and I are going to the beach. It is our spring break treat. She definitely needs one and I didn't get one since I was getting chemo on my spring break. One of the best memories I have with Jenn was at the beach during, a work week. Just before Zack died, he talked us into playing hooky and going to the beach for a day. Jenn came along. It was a beautiful day. And I remember Jenn and I floating in the ocean, talking about important life matters, yet feeling so carefree. That was over seven years ago, when we were still young and naive. In less than a month, Zack was dead. But I will always remember him lying on the sand. His beautiful face glowing in the sun with a smile that only a day at the beach could bring.

The rain has passed. It is time for the day to unfold.