Hysterical Blindness

typical day in the life of sassypants!

noreply@blogger.com (Little Miss Sassypants) — Thu, 17 Sep 2009 03:13:00 +0000

7:00am wake up from a nightmare about dying dogs and serial killers...

7:15 stumble into living room, feed dogs, feed cat, feed fish, and water plants..strategically place pink post=its all around the house and in Neil's car, professing my love for him.

8:00am - Drop Yoshi at vet for $600 ultrasound

8:35pm come home, make Neil and I breakfast

9:00am Balance my budget, catch up on some over due emails, write long political rant about public health option on Facebook.

9:30am - start three hours of homework

12:20pm - shower and run around trying to make sure I find everything I need in order to leave the house.(phone, bluetooth, sun glasses, eye glasses, Ipod, keys, hand sanitizer, make-up, wallet, directions, misc paperwork.)

1:00pm - Leave to rush downtown and meet friend for lunch

1:25pm arrive downtown, spend 10 mins looking for a parking meter(three blocks from restaurant and it is 90 degrees outside) . Realize I only have 50 mins worth of change. curse myself for forgetting more quarters.

1:30pm arrive for lunch with friend, save friend from having nervous breakdown.

2:30pm - race to appt with lawyer, get terribly lost.

3:00 arrive at lawyer exactly on time, fill out half hour of paperwork, get call that my dog is ready, hire lawyer on the spot.

4:00 - race to target for some essentials ( printing paper, deodorant, shampoo, conditioner, etc...) get lost in Target time warp for 45 mins...

5:00pm leave target to drive across town in POURING rain and rush hour traffic to get yoshi from vet. make over due phone calls, help plan best friend's Friday night crafting party..

5:45 Pick up yoshi- only to be told that after a full day and a $600 ultra sound that they still have no idea what is wrong and we need to do a $1200 scoping. Spend 20 mins in waiting room waiting for doggy discharge.

6:05pm - arrive home, spend 30 mins speed cleaning the house.

6:35pm Greet boyfriend who is home from work. Give boyfriend some Wednesday loving.

7:10 - start more homework

7:35 make dinner - tacos

8:10pm clean up dinner, feed dogs dinner

8:30- do another 2.5 hours of homework

11:00pm - print out homework, pack book bag for tomorrow, wash face, brush teeth, put in retainer, dab on under-eye cream.

11:30pm finish blog, pray for at least 7 hours of sleep before alarm blares at 6:45am tomorrow.

night- night

peek a boo

noreply@blogger.com (Little Miss Sassypants) — Mon, 10 Aug 2009 19:52:00 +0000

I am sitting here bored. Bored by choice as a matter of fact. I could be doing at least 10 different productive things right now, but instead I am here. Looking at this sad abandoned blog. Wondering where the instinct went that compelled me to share my boring little life with an absentee internet audience.

I hate this blog. I hate that it's here.. However, erasing this one seems wrong. Everything else I can wipe out without a single regret , but this seems more sacred than all the others. It is an empty reminder of who I was months ago. Normally, I like to forget that person, forget all those thoughts. That way I can really live in the moment. The less reminders of the past, the less compulsion to live in it. I must wipe it away in order to propel forward.

My memory is getting worse everyday. I completely forget people who have called, texted, and even wrote. As soon as I put off returning someone's call, email or text message ; the event is gone from my mind. I HATE THAT! DAMN YOU MS!!

I want to go be creative right now. I want to go paint, or sew or create something. But that seems like a luxury indulgence. I should be using my time for more practical things. Like bathing the dog, watching my Aunt slowly die, or cleaning my car. I think I am hard wired wrong. Too much catholic guilt for someone who was never REALLY catholic.

My creative side bloomed late in life. I always felt creative but creations never really manifested. But now , everything inspires me. I want to create all the time. Of course, not much is original. I copy most of what i create... but that helps my technique.

That's it. that is all I feel like writing now. But even this little blurb felt good.

sneaking back on ....

noreply@blogger.com (Little Miss Sassypants) — Wed, 22 Jul 2009 19:36:00 +0000

Only for a moment.

For the first time in months I actually have some down time and I miss this blog. However, I like it better when I think no-one is reading it and it is like my secret diary.

So my first semester in the education department at USF officially KICKED my ass. I am still a little shell shocked by how much work they expected us to do in eight weeks. I am not completely sure how I not only survived the semester, much less how I managed to get two A's and a B.

Right now my life is still a big bucket of flux. I just turned 32 ( happy belated birthday to me) and other then finally picking my major, I have no idea what direction my life is headed in.

I have a vague idea of what I want, but with no real game plan of how it will happen. I guess I have a strange underlying belief that it will all work itself out somehow. I have a pretty strong sense of who I am, but with no real concept of what that means.

Last night Neil and I went to see " The Hangover". It wasn't great, but it was amusing enough. Before the movie started , I ran to the restroom, while Neil nailed down some seats. As I was walking into the bathroom, I ran into a female employee whose was walking out. As I quickly glanced at face, I noticed that she was crying. Instantly, I tensed up and had to physically restrain myself from trying to comfort her. For the next ten minutes all I could do was ponder why she may have been crying. Was she a jilted lover? Did someone die? Was someone extra rude about the salty popcorn? All I could do was piece together stories in my mind.

Then I thought about two days earlier when I had cried in public.
Why you ask?
Well, about a month ago my Aunt had a very serious heart attack. She has been in critical condition ever since. I am not sure she is going to make it. I don't know how to handle the emotions this has triggered.

Sunday, Neil and I went to my favorite Italian restaurant. I have been going to this cafe since I was about six years old. It is my family's favorite place to eat. I have been there with my aunt a million times. All the wait staff knows her by name. I had not considered this when I choose the place. All I was thinking about was their DELICIOUS calamari. As soon as I entered the place, I thought of my aunt. As soon as I thought of her, I suddenly felt tears well up in my eyes as I felt a stabbing pain enter my heart. All of a sudden I REALLY missed my aunt and realized the giant hole her absence would bring to my life. At the exact same moment the waitress asked me " how is your aunt doing?" I could barely bring myself to answer with a meek "okay" before I changed the subject. One more word about my aunt and I would have been HYSTERICALLY crying. The poor confused waitress had to notice me weeping as it was.

I wonder if this waitress had been impacted by my public display of broken heart, as much as the crying movie employee had impacted me.

It's raining outside, I love the rain.. The rain drops are thick and heavy; the sky is dark. The hum of my computer makes me feel safe and cozy inside.

I think I am going to go into the living room and do a little painting. I have started a peacock painting and I am very curious as to how it will turn out.

I am not used to having free time and I am not sure quite what to do with myself honestly.

I should go to the gym and work out...

However......

The end of a blog!

noreply@blogger.com (Little Miss Sassypants) — Sat, 25 Apr 2009 14:22:00 +0000

Hi guys,
Due to some unforeseen changes, I am going to have to make some big decisions in my life and discover some new adventures. Therefore I won't be able to devote any more time to this blog detailing my boring life. So instead of leaving you hanging, I am going to take this time to say ciao. It's been fun. Thanks for reading, commenting and showing such support. Maybe when I get back on course I'll start a new blog.... but until then ...

Good bye!

trying to be a glass is half full sort of girl!

noreply@blogger.com (Little Miss Sassypants) — Thu, 23 Apr 2009 13:35:00 +0000

Okay so I feel a little guilty for not writing sooner. But every time I sat down to write, I hated everything that came out. Sometimes I get serious writer's block. So today I decided to publish whatever I wrote even if I hated it. Not a great way to start a blog I know.

The past few weeks have been a blur. Today marks the two month point of not having a job, and it seems so much longer than that. Even though I am officially unemployed, I am always on the go. I was SUPER busy when I had a job, and now that I don't have a job; I am just REALLY busy :)

The past two weeks have been a mix of strangeness. My body is completely out of whack. I am still recovering from chemo(it was a whole month ago), I am just pulling out of a post chemo induced flare-up, I am on a intense diet( that involves taking diet pills), and I have wicked PMS. Needless to say I have been a tad bit moody. I have also been trying to avoid a serious depression.

It so easy, sometimes, to focus on the negatives in life. I have MS, I have no job, I have two years left of school.. blah, blah.. boo hoo. However I have spent the last week really trying to clear my head, doing some serious self reflection, and basically trying to change my attitude. I can spend all my time focusing on the scary depressing things or I could focus on the good things and obtaining my goals. It is so easy to get bogged down in the negative. It's so much harder to push it out of my head and just "let it go".

Neil and I started couples therapy this week. We have had some communication problems lately, which led us to realize that are facing some big challenges in our relationship. Luckily we have a good therapist that we found about a year ago. His name is Dr. Quinn and he must be about 85 years old. He is very intelligent, funny, and most of all... very direct. Dr. Quinn doesn't pussy foot around, so to speak. He calls it like he sees it and gets to the heart of the matter quickly. I always appreciate the fact that Neil is willing to go to couples therapy when we face hurdles in our relationship. I know it is harder for him than it is for me, because he is so naturally introverted.

Aside from therapy, Neil and I also decided to take our birthday trip to North Carolina this year. I am so excited about it. I have NEVER been to North Carolina and I have ALWAYS wanted to go. We are going to stay mostly around the Asheville area. We found a really adorable cabin we are going to rent for three nights. It is pretty secluded, and it has a hot tub! For the other nights that we are in North Carolina we are either go to camp out underneath the stars or couchsurf. I really need a nature vacation. Hiking, canoeing, rafting.. it all sounds heavenly. Although we hear that Ashville is a pretty happening little town, so we may get in some fun nightlife as well.

So I have officially been on the "Desired Image" weight loss plan for two weeks tomorrow. Since my best friends own the diet clinic, I get an incredible deal. So far I have lost around nine lbs. Honestly, I don't know if I would have stuck to it, if my best friends didn't run the clinic. They offer me such support. It has not been easy to break my bad eating habits, However, it has definitely been worth all the hard work. I feels good to take some control over that part of my life. And it feels even better to see the numbers on the scale go down. I have five lbs left to loose to get back to my pre-campath weight. I have two weight lose goals after that, so I really hope I can keep the momentum going.

Today is my last official day of class for this semester. I have one week left after today of an online class and then I get a two week break from school. Whoo hoo, another semester down! Only five more to go. As of May 11, I should completely be admitted to the elementary education program at USF. It has proven quite difficult to get into this program. They really make you do a crap load of stuff. But I am keeping my eye on the prize. I can't believe it has taken me so long to figure out what I want to be, and I am still in a little shock that what I want to be is an elementary school teacher. But I feel good about everything. I also decided that if I absolutely hate teaching, I will probably go on to law school as opposed to graduate school. I'd love to do some advocacy law and maybe use my law skills for good instead of evil.

But I can only focus on one goal at a time. And right now that goal is getting my observation paper done for class tonight.

So, sorry it has taken me so long to update. Hopefully this marks the end to my writer's block.

till we meet again!

after the rain comes sun

noreply@blogger.com (Little Miss Sassypants) — Mon, 13 Apr 2009 20:08:00 +0000

The tramp moves on to the end of the street
I listen to the echo of his hobnail feet
For some there's a future to find
But I think they're leaving me behind.

The world humes on at its breakneck pace
People fly in their lifelong race
For them there's a future to find
But I think they're leaving me behind.

The chances they come, but the chances have been lost
Success can be gained, but at too great a cost
For some there's a future to find
But I think they're leaving me behind.

The wind sweeps up and goes back to its tree
The rain flows by and moves to the sea
For them there's a future to find
But I think they're leaving me behind.

noreply@blogger.com (Little Miss Sassypants) — Sat, 04 Apr 2009 15:08:00 +0000

rough night last night, too many nightmares. Nightmares so bad that they haunt me during the day time.

Maybe it was the bang bang tacos. Never a good thing to eat something called bang bang tacos so close to bedtime.

Although, a nice dinner at the Bonefish Grill with my man might have been worth it. We got a booth. We never get a booth there. Delicious wine. Interesting conversation.

Yesterday Neil and I had an argument during the day. It is rare for us to even argue at all. Of course it was short lived. It was a matter of miscommunication, frustration and super sensitivity. I can actually take the blame for it. Our arguments are usually one of two things, usually it starts with one of us playing Devil's advocate over some silly philosophical conversation or it is some stupid argument over whether to use a trash can liner or not. I don't like when we argue, but I do understand that arguments are a natural part of a relationship. Neil on the other hand, despises conflict. He really gets upset when we argue. Even when we do argue, we rarely raise our voices and hardly ever curse. I did shoot him the bird yesterday (BAD sassypants) which I feel pretty guilty about.

Yesterday, before we went out to dinner, I had a strong realization. I was looking around at my beautiful house, and at my beautiful man. And I realized how incredibly lucky I am. I mean materialistically and emotionally. I have such a nice life. I have everything I could want and more. I am pretty spoiled. I think of people in other countries who worry about having enough food and I can't even imagine what that would feel like. Although I have been there myself, years ago. I mean, I have an Iphone for god's sake.

In addition to the physical luxury, I have so much love that surrounds me. I have the best boyfriend a girl could ask for, supportive family members who accept me for who I am, the best dog ever, amazing friends, and so many opportunities. It really is something of a surprise to me that I could feel so lucky. After I was diagnosed with MS, I never thought I would have that feeling again. I mean being diagnosed with something like MS feels like a curse. And yet here I am , feeling over whelmed with my good luck and good fortune. It was a nice moment, to say the least.

well time to have a birthday brunch with my Aunt.

Then tonight my friend's Becky and Xavier are having a party.

Let the madness begin~

And it comes in threes.

noreply@blogger.com (Little Miss Sassypants) — Fri, 03 Apr 2009 13:00:00 +0000

I am guess I am sort of superstitious. I had to admit it, but I am. I get nervous on Friday the 13th (yes, we had two of them back to back this year). I throw salt over my shoulder when I spill it. I wish on shooting stars. And I also tend to notice how things come in threes. This week was a sad week for the "three" rule. First my friend's grandmother was found in a diabetic coma on her kitchen floor. That was Tuesday, she is still in a coma and her outlook is not too good. Next, a friend of Neil's family died. A younger woman, completely unexpected. And then finally yesterday my neighbor's cute little 5 month year old chihuahua got hit by a car. So devastating!!

It is a rainy Friday. Hopefully the rain will wash away all the tragedy from the week. It has been a rough week in general, aside from all the death around me. I am having a small flare up, which is expected. However, this was a bad week for my head to hurt, my brain to quit processing and my eyes not to work- especially considering how much school work I had to catch up on. But I was a trooper and I did everything I needed to do. So maybe I can finally have a weekend of rest and relaxation that I so desperately need. I have two birthdays this weekend. Yes, Aries have hit with a vengeance. Luckily, I don't feel stressed out about the birthdays this month. I guess after the insanity of being Jessica's maid of honor, everything else seems calm.

So now in the month of April I guess I am looking for a job; waiting for my application to the college of Education to be accepting, so that I can register for summer classes; working on my documentary; painting the guest room; and working on my garden before it gets too hot to go outside. Neil and I are trying to figure out what to do for our birthday in July (we have the same birthday). So far we have talked about going to New Orleans, Chicago, a road trip through North Carolina or a trip to San Fran with a three night mini trip to Yosemite. So many options which all sound good. Neither of us have been to North Carolina or Yosemite. I hate wasting a trip on somewhere I have been. Plus, everywhere is so friggin hot in the summer. GRRRR! Hopefully we will figure it out soon. I was thinking that we could just put all of the options in a hat and pick one. I am a big supporter of picking ideas out of a hat and going for it. Sort of some preplanned spontaneity. <----oxymoron?

Next week is an exciting week. Monday Neil and I are going to see Amy Goodman talk at a WMNF benefit. I love Amy Goodman. She is inspires me more than I can express. Then Wednesday Jenn and I are going to Busch Gardens. Sun, fun, animals and roller coasters. Thursday Jenn and I are going to the beach. It is our spring break treat. She definitely needs one and I didn't get one since I was getting chemo on my spring break. One of the best memories I have with Jenn was at the beach during, a work week. Just before Zack died, he talked us into playing hooky and going to the beach for a day. Jenn came along. It was a beautiful day. And I remember Jenn and I floating in the ocean, talking about important life matters, yet feeling so carefree. That was over seven years ago, when we were still young and naive. In less than a month, Zack was dead. But I will always remember him lying on the sand. His beautiful face glowing in the sun with a smile that only a day at the beach could bring.

The rain has passed. It is time for the day to unfold.

back to life, back to reality

noreply@blogger.com (Little Miss Sassypants) — Tue, 31 Mar 2009 12:25:00 +0000

So even though it is already Tuesday, I am still caught in wedding land. It is hard to realize that the wedding is over and now I have to focus on real life stuff, like doing a shit ton of school work, or finding a job.

The wedding itself , was BEAUTIFUL! I was really surprised and amazed how it all came together so perfectly. There was maybe three or four things I would have done differently, but other than that, I can't complain. Everyone looked gorgeous. The venue was perfect. The weather could not have been nicer. The guests were all open, friendly, and interesting people. It really seemed almost magical.

After the ceremony sincere and tearful ceremony, Jessica and Andrew raced down the river bank into a canoe and sailed away. Then we all went to the reception area and found our seats, while awaiting them to make their grand re-entrance. After they returned, the party started and raged on all night. I think I finally called it quits and went to sleep in the guest room of her mom's house around 2:00am ( the wedding started at 4:00pm). The wedding was on Jessica's mother property (which consists of a few acres right on a big river) , so about 12 of the guests camped out in tents after the reception. However a huge storm hit the area around 3:00am and sent the campers scattering in different directions. However, they all toughed it out and made it to the brunch the next morning. After the delicious brunch, everyone just chilled and exchanged info. Some went on nature walks, some went canoeing. Neil and I did not leave till around 4:00pm. It was such a beautiful day. I didn't want to go home, but the dogs needed us. I wanted to stay and finish bonding with my new friends.

I met so many wonderful people at the wedding and I made so many new friends. As the maid of honor, I made it a priority to talk to everyone there. I think I ended up talking to 90% of the guests. Jessica and Andrew attract the coolest people. Someone dubbed the experience as " a meeting of the minds". Everyone coming together to share their ideas and artistic practices. It was one of my best weekends ever.

However, now it is back to real life. Homework, housework, paperwork. Aughhhhh.
I still have yet to have a real day off, other than when I was miserable on chemo.
But I guess that is what life is about.. work hard in order to enjoy a special weekend here or there.

Last night I trucked it out to St.Pete to see another friend of mine who was in town from San Fran. We had sushi Thai for dinner and then gelato for dessert. YUMMY. It was a short but lovely visit.

So now I have an intense day of homework and then a presentation in class tonight. I can't wait for this weekend to get here. I only have one party to attend , Saturday night, and then it is RELAX time. I need some serious "stay in bed" time.

ummm bed...

she going to the forest and she's gonna get married

noreply@blogger.com (Little Miss Sassypants) — Sat, 28 Mar 2009 11:57:00 +0000

So today is the big day... Jessica and Andrew's wedding! I have so many mixed feelings now that it is actually here. Part of me is relieved that all of the work and preparing will finally be over but another part of me is sad. It is almost over, and then Jessica and Andrew go back to Oakland.

The bachelorette party was really fun. Between eight girls, we drank 7 bottles of wine and champagne, a few beers and some shots of tequila. We had a dance party and tons of fondue. Everyone liked their tarot card reading. It was just what Jessica wanted. I'd say it was damn near perfect.

The rehearsal dinner was also a lot of fun. The food was great and I met SOOO many new people. Andrew has a HUGE Jewish family that ALL flew down. Everyone was pretty nice and open. Andrew also has a lot of friends from all over the country, so last night it was hard to keep names, and living locations straight.

So I have two hours to get ready before Jess picks me up. I am glad that I will have an hour car ride with her alone, so that we can chat it up a bit before all the chaos starts.

Last night as I was acting the part of the good maid of honor and talking to everyone, I realized that I sort of consider Jessica like a sister. I don't know why that is. Some people you just get close with and they feel like a certain member of your family. I guess it has to do with the fact that she and I are so very different, yet we remain so close without a lot of discussion. We can't even remember how we became friends. It just seems as though it was destined to happen.

well I better get my butt in gear. In 29 hours, this will all be a happy memory~

co co ca chu!

noreply@blogger.com (Little Miss Sassypants) — Wed, 25 Mar 2009 13:37:00 +0000

It is hump day!

I love hump day!

Things are much better. I feel almost back to normal. Minus my energy level, a few aches and pains and some dizziness. My face is finally clearing up and I am losing the steroid bloat...

My house is a bit of a disaster. But I am cleaning it from head to toe tomorrow.

The wedding mayhem has started, and even though I sort of resented it at first, I am now looking forward to it, as I know it is going to be a total blast. I love the couple who is getting married so dearly.

Monday I took the bride shopping for last min odds and ends. Jessica (the bride) is adorable. Although she is totally shopping handicapped. We spent the whole day shopping our butts off and even though it was exhausting, it was fun. Jessica is a no stress bride. She doesn't place too many demands on me or act like a bidezilla. For the most part she is a "go with the flow" girl, extremely flexible and a really good communicator. After shopping, Andrew (her groom) came over for dinner and we went over wedding details. Andrew is the most involved groom I have ever seen.

Tomorrow night is the bachlorette party at my house. Jessica wanted a fun "night at home" with all of her lady friends. We are having a wine tasting and a fondue party. Melissa is coming over to offer tarot readings for the guests. We will play records, dance and just be silly. I am actually looking forward to it.

Friday night is the rehearsal dinner at Bernini's. A fancy Italian restaurant in ybor and then an after party of bar hopping.

Saturday is the big event. Saturday night we are sleeping in Brooksville, (most guests are camping) and Sunday morning there is a brunch.

Andrew's two Jewish cousins will be staying in our guest room Friday night. I am interested to see what his cousins are like. Apparently one of them is a cute 20 year old hipster rock star. I joked with Jessica and Andrew about how I was going to wear my moo moo around the house the whole time he was here. I don't know why I find that idea so amusing.

Well I better get cracking on my "to do" list

yea.. sounds like my old self for sure.

the days just blend together

noreply@blogger.com (Little Miss Sassypants) — Sun, 22 Mar 2009 00:29:00 +0000

well today I feel about 35% better, which is a huge relief. When you feel as crappy as I did , even 35% is a godsend. I have huge pussy blisters all over my face, which are seriously stressing me out. But at least the whole upper half of my body doesn't ache as much, and I am not praying to die. However, I do have a horrific case of cabin fever . Today I sat outside for about an hour. We had nice weather. But even with my outside adventure, I still feel restless and anxious to get out of the house. I took a trip to Pita's to get a greek salad for lunch. I wore a hat, scarf, and big sunglasses, in an attempt to distract people from my pussy blisters. Neil said I looked like a cancer patient instead. Half way through ordering, I ran out of energy and had to keep myself conscious. I can only imagine what the guy who took my order thought. Aside from the physical symptoms, roid rage has also set upon me. I am seriously depressed and emotional. But hey, this is what I signed up for... in all of it's glory! Amidst my negative attitude, Neil had to remind me, that I did this so that things would be better, all of this suffering is for a goal of better health in the long run. So even though I feel like a puss-filled , bloated , sick person; I know it will get better and pay off in the long run.

Tonight I am forcing Neil to get out of the house and take a break from being my caretaker. His friends are in town and they are djing at bar downtown. I am glad he gets to go and actually enjoy himself for a few hours. I mean lately it's been like we are 80 years old, instead of 30. Although I must admit, I am a little jealous that he gets to get out of the house and escape for a while. Since he is leaving, I asked my friend (Jenn) to come over and babysit me. I don't know if I will be good company or not, but I don't really want to be alone. Which is strange for me. Usually I crave alone time. I think Jenn is going to take me out for frozen yogurt and then we might learn to knit. Whoo hoo! A big night planned at the old age home :)

These past few days, I don't know what I would have done without Neil. Or how he has become so selfless and brave. Yesterday was a rough day. I woke up so sore around my head and neck that I was sure something was wrong. I rushed to my doctor early in the morning because they wanted to check me out. Turns out that nothing was abnormal. Since all of my T cells are in my lymphoids, it would make sense that they would be sore while everything was being killed by the campath. However, it was sort of my breaking point. I could not stop myself from sobbing on the doctor's table while she examined me. I was so scared, tired, sick and frustrated. I tried to hide it but I think it was obvious that I could not hold it together. Neil, however, was so calm and re-assuring. He simply held my hand or rubbed my back, automatically soothing me. He takes care of everything , without me even asking. If I have an empty glass, he fills it. If I feel hot, he turns on the fan or takes my temp. If I want food, he makes it or goes and grabs take out. He answers my phone when my mother calls, he takes care of the dogs. He does it all. And the whole time, he acts as if it is a privilege to take care of me. He does it all with such sincere love and care. I can't imagine taking care of someone like that. Without the slightest hint of resentment. Today he bought me an orchid, while he was out running errands. Orchids are my favorite flower and the one he bought me is BEAUTIFUL. It is huge and white. I love it. I think I will call it Fran.. I hope I can keep Fran alive. I hope in a few months, both Fran and I are blooming beautifully.

Well I think that is about all the energy I have to ramble. I think Neil is getting ready to leave. Jenn should be here in an hour or so. I am hoping that when I wake up tomorrow, I will feel 70% back to normal. I hope Kristin is okay. We haven't talked more that a few text messages here and there.

I hope all of you enjoy your Saturday nights...

no fun!

noreply@blogger.com (Little Miss Sassypants) — Fri, 20 Mar 2009 17:56:00 +0000

today sucks ass.. everything hurts.. I don't think I can handle this again next year... Hopefully tomorrow will be better. Must lay down!

drip, drip, drip

noreply@blogger.com (Little Miss Sassypants) — Tue, 17 Mar 2009 13:10:00 +0000

Well, I am sitting in the infusion chair at the clinic getting a dose of steroids before my next dose of campath. Yesterday was my first infusion and it was a rough day. I had some weird reaction to the IV called a vagus reaction. Apparently it is stress related. During the insertion of the IV a got very nauseous and weak. Then my body drenched with sweat and everything went white. I could not see, or speak and then I passed out. I woke up to my doctor shaking me, telling me to stay with them, raising my feet above my head and wiping me down with a wet cloth. I still couldn't see and I felt like I had been hit by a bus. I guess my pulse dropping down to half of what is was in a matter of seconds. It was scary .. for everyone involved. After about 20 mins, I felt better, the doctor got my vitals stable and my color came back. I guess sometimes the reaction can be fatal. But I was in good hands. My poor doctors. Kristin and I always keep things interesting for them for sure.

So the infusion was okay. I felt weak and achy. But I also kept myself medicated with vicodin. Kristin and I watched two movies and had a yummy lunch. Towards the end, Kristin got the horrible rash she got last year. Last time, I didn't get the rash till the last day and it was no where as bad as Kristin's. My issue last year was my heart rate. It dropped really low and they had to run labs to make sure that I didn't have a mini heart attack. They also wanted to admit me to the hospital, but I refused. I am a little nervous that this year is going to be a repeat because my blood pressure was already low this morning. But I am trying to stay positive.

Last night was frustrating because some of the drugs I am taking make feel speedy and awake while others make me exhausted. So when I got home, I was too tired to stay awake and too awake to fall asleep. So I was trapped in a limbo of discomfort. Neil has been so amazing. He has been taking care of me like a madman. He cooked a delicious dinner last night and took care of my every whim. Just thinking of how supportive he has been makes me tear up. This whole experience is very emotional. All of the support I have gotten from people who care about me in general has been overwhelming. I spent a good portion of the day yesterday just weeping whenever I got a friendly text message, phone call, or comment. I feel so lucky and blessed with all the love and support I have in my life. Part of me feels like I really don't deserve it but hey, I am trying not to look a gift horse in the mouth.

So the week leading up to this was intense. Lots cleaning a preparing. I wanted everything to be perfect since my physical atmosphere is the only thing in this whole experience I have control of. Neil was sweet and cleaned all of Sunday while I ran last min errands.

I am looking forward to the end of today because then I will officially be 2/3 of the way done! Although last year, the two or three days after the infusion were the worst. So I am counting on thr, fri and sat to be my crappiest days. This year, my IV is on my right wrist, so I am basically without use of my right hand at all. Which sucks and makes life difficult.

Well enough complaining. Life is good. Things could be worse. I am just anxious to put this behind me.

Next week, is the next wedding where I am the maid of honor. So I have shoe shopping to do, a bach party to throw, a rehearsal dinner, the wedding and then a brunch a next day. Plus my friend Justin is coming into town from San Fran and I need to see him at some point. Oy Vey!!

My writing will forever have typos.. just think of it as part of my retarted charm...

noreply@blogger.com (Little Miss Sassypants) — Thu, 05 Mar 2009 14:12:00 +0000

Okay so I am writing a blog. I don't really want to write a blog. I want to eat some breakfast and then get out into my garden and do some work. But I promised a blog, and by golly, I try and keep my promises. Pretty much since I got laid off ten days ago, I have been consumed with my yard. I have cleaned off all my patios (a massive undertaking.) I have planted peppers, tomatoes, herbs and colorful little plants. I have pruned and primped till my arms bled. I have hung wind chimes and wall hangings in order to decorate my garden and make a pretty little retreat from the world. Finally after a ton of work, it is starting to come together. I used to garden all of the time and have exotic plants all around me. However after my friend Zack passed away, the urge to nurture things decreased and I had no urge to garden. I could barely manage to keep myself and my animals alive, amidst all of my grief, much less some plants. So I am hoping that this renewed sense to garden is a sign that life goes on. That is sort of my catch phrase for the week. " Life goes on".

I have also been busy doing other things as well. Like picking out paint colors for two rooms that I want to paint and getting my school work done. Generally I am trying to get my shit together. I am trying to use this time to get to all the project that usually fall on the back burner, trying to get my house in order so in a few weeks, when I am confined to wander around it with an IV in my arm after a day of hell, I will truly be able to relax!

Yesterday was a very sad and dramatic day. I can't go into details. However I will say that a friend of mine made a REALLY bad decision and screwed up his life, and lives of the people who care about him. It made me realize how just one mistake can totally fuck up your life. Okay, technically it would be two mistakes. Either way in the blink of an eye, everything he had going for him was lost.

These past ten days have seemed to drag on. It feels like it has been years since I was employed. Some days (even though I have stayed busy as hell), I feel lost in the land of the working. It is so quiet during the day. So empty. I surround myself with sounds.. Music.. television. but it still feels weird.

Nil has been wonderful and supportive since I got laid off. He tries (and sometimes succeeds) in spoiling me, like I am little princess. Usually when he does nice things for me, I feel conflicted with guilt. It is hard for me to accept people being nice to me. I have a hard time in general accepting the good in my life. I guess I am afraid that the moment I accept it and appreciate it , is the moment it will be taken from me. I hate to sound like a drama queen, but I have had a seriously fucked up life. Now I am not complaining. My life has made me who I am today, I am I very happy with that person. And there are only a handful of things I would change about my life if I could. But I have a very tough exterior. Above all, my life has made me a survivor. Even when I am relaxed, I am in survivor mode. I always have one eye open, expecting the unexpected, armed with a back up plan and an escape route. I am always down to protect myself and anyone I love. Like a momma bear, ready to spring and fight. Now that completely conflicts with my spiritual side. My inner spiritual side leads me towards peace, understanding, positivity and happiness. How can you truly be at peace, with one eye open? Trying to balance these two opposing sides of myself is a major life challenge. So in an attempt to balance them more, I am working on becoming more gracious in my older age. I try and accept the good with a sincere "thank you" and true appreciation. I try to soften my edges, open my mind and smile at the good in life, instead of looking for the strings attached or waiting for the other shoe to drop. It is a part of my living in the moment approach. Accept the good while it is here, learn from the bad when it happens and keep it all in perspective.

Well I have rambled enough for the day. I have some paint colors to pick, some pansies to plant and a 500 word reflection to write and it is already 10:00am!!!!

In case you haven't done so, I am raising money for the MS walk in a few weeks, so click this link below and donate $5.00 to my cause.. after all you get to know the inner workings on my mind for free with these amazing and insightful blogs, the least you can do, is donate $5.00 bucks... right?

http://main.nationalmssociety.org/site/TR/Walk/FLCWalkEvents?px=6120413&pg=personal&fr_id=9865

DO IT NOW!!!

P.S the first night of filming for my documentary went really well, and I am super excited about it. I am kicking around names..what do you think of " My lesions and me" or " Me and my lesions"???

P.P.S OMG, did anyone see the episode of the bad girls club Tuesday? They all jumped one of the Ambers and put her in the hospital.. and it was the Amber I liked ... GRRRRRR! Bitches be crazy!

as the world turns...

noreply@blogger.com (Little Miss Sassypants) — Mon, 02 Mar 2009 14:46:00 +0000

believe it or not, I have been too busy to write on my blog.

Things are good, I am happy.

Lot's of changes , which are always difficult for a cancer, however I am going with the flow.

Soon I will write a big update..

Promise!

I am still waiting for it to sink in.

noreply@blogger.com (Little Miss Sassypants) — Tue, 24 Feb 2009 16:24:00 +0000

that I don't have a job. It is so surreal. Today just feels like a Saturday. I have so much to do still, that I haven't found that sense of freedom which I was hoping for. Maybe tomorrow, when I can spend the whole day at home, I will finally be like "ah, this is what I have been waiting for." Although tomorrow I plan to do some much needed gardening, and clean my car from head to toe. I may even take a tai chi or yoga class at the studio near my house.

I am to David' bridal in order to get a bride maids dress ( I hope anyway) , then over to my aunt's to help her unpack and settle into her new place. Finally I have to finish up my portfolio and high tail it to class to watch three hours of boring presentations.

I already worked out and made some delicious corn bread, and chili. Geeze I am so domesticated. I do miss people already. I feel so isolated.

I found some cool nanny jobs on Craig's list that sound fairly easy and are only part time. Although I am waiting till the month of march is over before committing to anything.

I am on my third chapter of the new book I started. So far it is a pretty good book.

So even though yesterday was a life changing blow... everything is homeostasis for the time being.

time to shop~

noreply@blogger.com (Little Miss Sassypants) — Mon, 23 Feb 2009 18:15:00 +0000

well, I got laid off today. and I feel a strange calm about it. I mean part of me is freaking out. It's a huge recession and I have no job.. WTF? Luckily my work was nice and gave me a small package. And I feel okay about it. I keep my expenses fairly slow, and I really need to focus on things like school and my health right now. But it feels weird here, alone at home...on a workday. I feel like a kid playing hooky on a school day.

The experience was strange.. as it always is with a lay-off. Everyone was shooting me looks of sympathy. And everyone was shocked, shared and sad. I wanted to re-assure everyone that it was okay. It sucks. But it's cool, that is just how the world works.. I am a survivor. Don't cry for me Argentina. I will say, that I will miss my co-workers. They were a cool bunch. The job itself sucked, a depression is a horrible time to do software sales, but my kooky co-workers really kept me smiling. I pretty much liked everyone who worked there. In one way or another.

So now on with the next phase of my life. With this new found freedom I am inspired. Time to start focusing on my passions.

It has been a strange year so far... I feel like some one pushed the fast forward button on my life. Every thing is accelerated. warp speed ahead captain.

Whatever! I am down for the ride.. it's what I signed up for.

Know what I am saying?

by the day's early light

noreply@blogger.com (Little Miss Sassypants) — Sat, 21 Feb 2009 14:26:00 +0000

I woke up later today than I normally do, but earlier than I wanted to. Mona (the world's most annoying cat) woke us up at 8:30am meowing at the door. I have to admit, it was partially my fault, since I shut the door to the room with her food bowl in it.
I was tempted to go garage sale hopping, but I decided to save my money and start organizing my life. I have yet another busy weekend in front on me.

I stayed up last last night, even though I shouldn't have. I am not feeling very good lately. My eyes are bothering me, I feel dizzy and light headed all the time, my cognition is slipping, and the exhaustion is back. I am sure it is surely stress related. Stress can bring on a flare up in the blink of an eye. <--- ha ha, no pun intended. Also I had some WICKED PMS this week, and wicked PMS always to affect my MS. Weird huh?

However, at least my mood seems better today. I can feel the sun peaking out of the dark cloud which has been my week. Maybe it is in direct correlation to not having to go to work.

Last night Neil took me out to dinner to our favorite Thai place in Tampa. It is a cute little spot hidden in between the two most famous strip clubs in town. I wish I felt better, because I don't think I was very good company. But the food was so good and the place is so cute, it still managed to be romantic. Next we went to this beer, wine and liquor store close to the restaurant. It is suppose to have wholesale prices. I have to admit, the prices were awesome, but it was the GIGANTIC selection that made the store so completely enthralling. Neil and I spent at least an hour looking at all the imported beers that they carry, laughing about the names, and trying to figure out which ones we were going to be brave enough to try. I never thought I'd have so much fun in a liquor store.

Today is the Indian wedding reception which I have come to dread, and then afterward it is on to Jenn's 31st birthday bash. I bought a fancy bottle of tequila for the party and also decided that I going to bring cupcakes.Jenn is serving sangria, fondue, and yummy eggrolls. It looks like a nice mix of people are going to show up, so I am excited. I hope Jenn likes the gifts I made her. I put a lot of work into them. Especially the painting I made for her.

Anyway,I better get a move on.. time is a wasting!

pinch, poke.. you gotta love me.

noreply@blogger.com (Little Miss Sassypants) — Thu, 19 Feb 2009 16:55:00 +0000

Okay so I am an astrological snob. It's true. I can't tell you how many people I have offended by saying rude things about their signs. Especially Aries, but I can't help it. Aries drive me crazy. However one of the people who I loved most in the world was an Aries (my dead grandmother), therefore they can't all be bad.

Now maybe I spend a lot of time pointing out the flaws of other people's signs. Like the Aries tendency to be completely self absorbed, obnoxious, insecure and late to everything. Or Virgo's critical hypocrisy, mixed with their hyper sensitivity and worry wart ways. I can't stand the Aquarius lack of empathy for anything, unless it affects them directly, and their tendency to laugh at people when they loose their cool and get emotional - they are so detached at times, like the rest of us are all one big science experiment to them. And don't even get me started about Capricorns. Anyway, you get the picture.

Now while other people's signs take a little criticism from me, trust me, I am the hardest on my own sign. So don't think it's anything personal when I make a crappy comment about your astrological sign, I mean what else would you expect a cancer to do?

For all it's glory, being a cancer isn't a easy ride. I often compare being a cancer with being the jewish mother of the zodiac. Now does that sound like an easy gig? Heck na?

First off do have any idea what it's like to have a changing emotion every few minutes? Talk about moody. It is like having PMS all the time. It's a roller coaster of emotions. And let me tell you , it is exhausting. One min everything is beautiful and perfect. Ten minutes later, the whole world is coming to an end. It is a bi-polar nightmare.

Also do you have any idea how sensitive we are? No? well then either you are not very observant or we are hiding it (we are good at hiding things IF we want to). For god sakes EVERYTHING hurts my feelings. You could roll your eyes while I was talking about something important, and I will remember it for a lifetime and probably use it against you later. Because not only are we sensitive but we are clingy. That means we hold onto EVERYTHING. Every last hurt, every rejection, every receipt we don't need anymore, every toxic relationship and every piece of crap which has any sort of sentiment associated with it. Do you know what it is like to lug around not only a bunch of physical crap, but also emotional crap everywhere?

What next? Okay how about being a constant nurturer? Do you think I like fussing over whether or not you are taking your vitamins, wearing your seat belt, using condoms, sending thank you notes or paying your back taxes? Hell no, I don't. But I simply can't help it. I can not stop myself from meddling into other people's lives and giving my opinions. After all, I love you , I want you to be happy and I want you to do the best in your life. Even if that means I have to be a ball busting bitch and micro manage everything for you! Sorry it is just my nature.

Let's move on shall we?

How about the annoying trait of being a romantic? That's right, when you are a cancer you romanticize EVERYTHING. You want prince charming to ride in on a horse and sweep you away. You want everyday to be perfect and full of beauty. You want all your gifts with bows on top and perfect wrapping. You want your tacos to be perfect and your house to be the most comfortable , beautiful mecca of social gatherings. You want to be the most reliable friend, the best hostess, the best mother, the best daughter. Needless to say that in your mind, everything should always be perfect and when it's not, cancers get so DISAPPOINTED. Not to mention our tendencies to pout and manipulate if we don't get our way.

Now don't get me wrong. Even with all of my complaints I love me some cancers. Some of my bestest friends in the whole world are cancers (including Neil, the love of my life.)

We certainly can be charming when we want to. We will make you laugh one moment, dazzle you with our profound insight the next, then have you in tears with our sad stories, and finally we snuggle you up and cook you a FANTASTIC meal. No matter how mad you get at us, no one can really stay long at a cancer too long. We are just too endearing , and may I add.. too cool!

Anyway, that was your astrology lesson for the day. Beware, there will be a pop quiz later.

not a happy camper!

noreply@blogger.com (Little Miss Sassypants) — Wed, 18 Feb 2009 15:48:00 +0000

I don't want to be at work today. In fact, I don't want to be at work at all lately. Maybe it is my paranoia, but I really feel like my boss is on a witch hunt against me. Every time I am sick or every time I need a day off, we have to have a big talk about my MS. Even if the reason I am sick has nothing to do with my MS. If I have a cold or the stomach flu, I get non-stop information from HR regarding FMLA. I know there are people at work who take off way more time that I do, for far less serious reasons (usually their children). I also know that there are people at work who are feeling the crunch of the recession and having a harder time meeting their quotas than I am. However, I am always being scrutinized, observed, or thoroughly questioned about something. It really seems that before I "came out" about my MS, I was the golden child, and that ever since I came out, I am the red headed stepchild.

I really wrestled with the idea of telling my work I had MS. I have always heard horror stories about people revealing their MS at work and it affecting their job. However, I am really bad at keeping important things a secret. Plus, I feel like having MS sucks enough,and that keeping it a dirty secret makes it ten times harder to deal with. And finally, there are also the issues of flare-ups and doctor appointments. It just seems easier for everyone involved to be honest. However, I have learned that contrary to popular belief. Honesty is not always the best policy. Especially not in regards to your employment and chronic illness. Now I understand why they had to create disability acts in the first place.

Needless to say; that feeling judged, misunderstood, singled out and persecuted is not a good work motivator. And I am not sure if I will reveal my MS in future employment situations. Lesson learned.

So aside from work stress, I am feeling a bit worn out and over whelmed this week. Of course it is all my fault. No matter how hard people try to stop me, I am hell bent on over extending myself and doing too much. I really try to refrain, but it seems impossible. There is always something to do. Always something to juggle. And lately I am having a hard time keeping all my balls in the air at the same time. I usually end up dropping a ball or two. Luckily, I have surrounded myself with people who understand if I happen to drop their particular ball for a little while, and no one places too many demands on me. Other than my boss that is.

So, I am crabby and tired today. Sounds about right for a moody cancer. I just want to spend some time at home. It seems like I haven't really been home and able to relax for weeks. I need some serious downtime. Although I have a hunch that as soon as I get it, I will be bored and lonely.

well at least it is hump day! Hump day! Hump day!

No new episode of the bad girl's club last night :(

woe is me!

How you view the glass.

noreply@blogger.com (Little Miss Sassypants) — Tue, 17 Feb 2009 14:43:00 +0000

Yesterday was another busy day, overflowing from the weekend. I ran errands on lunch, and even after work. Then I met up with Neil at the eye doctor, where he ended up giving me my valentine's day present. He got me something I desperately needed. He gave me the gift of sight :) On my last eye visit , the eye doctor prescribed me some pretty intense glasses in order to try and help me see better (yes, he order trifocals okay?) However, with the frames I liked, the progressive lenses, and the anti glare, the glasses I needed ended up being out of my price range. Neil, however offered to buy them for me as a belated valentine's present. How spectacular is that? No one has even given me better vision as a gift before.

When I met Neil at the vision place, his pupils had already been dilated. So it was his turn to look like a teenager on acid. Neil and I ended up picking out similar frames, they both had white inside the background (very European). I teased Neil that we are slowly morphing into the same person and soon we would be one of those couples who begin to look like. Maybe in the future we will even wear matching outfits. Just kidding (or am I?)

After the eyeglass shopping, Neil and I went home to make delicious taco salads for dinner. I LOVE taco salad night!! After dinner, I decided to do something I had been dreading. I tried on my Indian outfit, to make sure it still fits. I have gained around eight lbs since I last wore it and honestly, i was a little worried. Especially since Neil's mother had made a point to ask me whether or not I tried it on Sunday at dinner. She was anxious to know if it still fit. Obviously she has noticed my weight gain ( Neil's mother is OBSESSED with people's weight) Luckily , it does still fit. I won't lie, it is very snug, but still wearable.

While I was walking around in my outfit, I started to think about how nice it is that I don't have to try and figure out what I am wearing to the wedding. It's already been decided, considering I only have one Indian outfit. I hate fretting about what to wear and what is appropriate and now, I don't have to. Easy and simple.

Then I started thinking about the outfit in general and how it has always given me mixed feelings. Neil's family had the outfit made for me the when they were in India last year. It is a beautiful outfit, and I am sure it was fairly expensive.

Whenever ever people see or hear about the outfit, they always comment about how nice it is that Neil's family bought it for me and what a good sign that is that they are starting to accept our relationship.

On one hand, I agree. It was nice of them. They went to through a lot of trouble to get the measurements, pick out the prettiest outfit that they could find, have it made, and bring it back to me. But on the other hand, I have always felt slightly unappreciative about the outfit. Last night, I tried to figure out what about the outfit bothered me, and then I realized what it was.

Neil's parents never really ASKED me if I wanted an outfit. They never really asked me if I wanted to wear the outfit to his sister's reception and they never really asked me if I wanted to wear it this Saturday. It has always just been assumed.

Now me, with my stubborn western ways, has always been irritated by this. I am so used to making all of my own decisions, that it bugs me when decisions are made for me, without my input. Now granted, they did ask me what colors and styles I liked before they picked out the outfit, but that was about the only input I was asked for.

Now personally I am very interested in Indian culture. I have always been a culture freak (one good thing my mother passed onto me) and honestly I do jump at the chance to learn as much about Indian culture as possible. The religion, the traditions, the food, the music and the people all cast a magical spell on me and I find it all very beautiful and interesting. Therefore I am excited at a chance to assimilate into the culture by wearing a beautiful Indian outfit to the different cultural events. However, I guess I'd like a invitation first. I'd like to be asked if it is something I want, but that doesn't seem to be the way Indian culture works. There doesn't seem to be a lot of interest in what one wants personally. Instead there are social rules that everyone assumes and abides by. Of course I'd wear an Indian outfit to an Indian wedding. Of course I'd want to fit in and look like everyone else (well as much as I can). That is the whole role of a person in Indian culture. Maintain the status quo.

As I realized this last night, I had a new appreciation of my Indian outfit. I think in their own way, Neil's family was extending some form of acceptance to me by giving me the outfit, and it just wouldn't occur to them to ask if it something I wanted. It was a nice gesture and it really is a beautiful outfit, which they took a lot of time to pick out for me.

No, Neil's family probably doesn't spend a lot of time, contemplating my wants and needs. They probably don't consider whether or not I want to assimilate into their culture (even though they spent a good portion of their energy trying to force me out, in the beginning.) It is just assumed that the longer Neil and I stay together, the more I will assimilate. And it probably always will be that way. I think that it is time to let go of some of my resentments from the way they acted in the beginning and accept them for who they are and for their culture differences. I think it's time to appreciate my outfit, say an extra special thank you and move on. Honestly they are doing the best they can to accept the fact that their dreams of the perfect Indian daughter In-law may never come to fruition. It has been a slow , painful process for all involved. But these days , whenever Neil's mother sees me, she gives me a big smile and a huge hug. She even offered to help me make Indian food for International potluck we are having at work (but our schedules didn't work out). In their own way, Neil's family is doing their best to let go of their disappointments and make the best of the situation. And it's about the same time, that I woman up and do the same thing.

All of these realizations came from trying on a tight fitting Indian outfit.

After the outfit, I spent way too much time painting and didn't haul my butt to bed till almost 11:30pm. Which us wayyy past my bedtime. But I can't help it. Painting is so consuming. It sucks me in and refuses to let go till I fix every little aspect that I am not happy with ( which never happens). I am only about half way done and I only have two more night to work on it. GRRRRRRR!

Another days of running around like a chicken with my head cut off.

is it hump day yet?

dragging my ass!

noreply@blogger.com (Little Miss Sassypants) — Mon, 16 Feb 2009 14:35:00 +0000

I will post a longer and more detailed blog later (hopefully)!

This weekend was pretty exhausting and emotional.

I didn't have a minute of down time.

I don't know how I made it to work this morning. Now that I am here. All I want to do is go home and crawl into bed.

The wedding we went to this weekend was wild, just as expected.

A VERY long Catholic mass nuptial service (the bride looked absolutely breathtaking!)

A very long, yet well planned out reception at the fancy south Tampa country club. Lot of tears.

A wild party at the hotel afterward, complete with a hotel managers busting into the penthouse suite and threatening to call the police. A small deterrence because the party kept going at least another 5 hours.

Drunken conversations with old and new friends.

Shots of patron!

I have always considered Neil's friend just that.. They were his friends. However this weekend , I realized that I have known these people for almost five years. I have watched them grow up, get married, break up, procreate and change. It was good to see them again. Good to watch them reminisce and tell the same stories I have heard a million times, good to hear new stories which I had never heard. I went to the wedding with an open mind and an open heart, and I saw Neil's friends in a new light. It was beautiful!

The bride and groom seemed very much in love, and they actually seemed to enjoy their wedding , instead of looking over whelmed and exhausted. I was touched with their sincerity. The bride finally won me over. I am now a Mary convert.

I also finally got to hang out with Matt and Kelly, whose wedding Neil and I attended a few years ago in L.A. As I predicted, Kelly and I totally hit it off. I could tell from her wedding that she was the type of girl I would jive with, and it was awesome to finally get a chance to hang out with her. She was pretty rad.

Neil and I should have reserved Sunday to recover, but instead we had a baby shower to go to and then dinner with his parents.

Dinner with his parents was an interesting experience.

I will have to expand further in my next blog , as I am too tired to type much more!

Time to get some work done!

must stay awake!

I am trying to update this blog more often

noreply@blogger.com (Little Miss Sassypants) — Wed, 11 Feb 2009 18:01:00 +0000

I am trying to update this blog more often.. but it's hard. My life is so not exciting these days. I feel like all I do is update with complaints and chore lists. I am too lazy to write down the deep philosophical debates I have in my head. Too fickle to write my silly observations on life. I am so completely focused on my goals that any distractions are scared moments that I keep only for myself ( and Neil of course).

So last night, I totally nailed my presentation. I can honestly say my mantra of the night was "fake it till you make it" and that is exactly what I did. I got up in front of the class and "acted" like a teacher. Well, I must have done a pretty good job because my teacher and fellow classmates went WILD. My teacher went off about the positives of my lesson plan for so long that even I got bored and stopped listening to her after a while. Then, five of my classmates waited for me after class in order to tell me what an awesome job I did, and how I am going to make a FANTASTIC teacher. It was a really nice experience.

In fact I was so high from all the compliments that I couldn't get tired when I got home. Instead I watched the " Bad Girl's Club" until wee hours of the morning (okay it was more like midnight) I was so drunk from the intoxicating drama of the show mixed with the giant ego my classmates created, that it was actually difficult to force myself to sleep. However, I payed dearly for my sleep deprived decision this morning , when I woke up at 7:15am with only 20 mins to get out the door. Needless to say I did not take a shower today.

I am hoping to get some painting done tonight. I have some birthday paintings I need to crank out, and I can't seem to find the time to do them. Hopefully tonight I can relax, have a glass of wine, and create some truly magical pieces.

But first I need to take a shower. Because Iris and I walked three miles on lunch today and I am quite sure that one or more parts of my body stink.

Nice thought huh?

I will leave you with the following!

Secret confession of the day - I get extra excited if and when I can get my armpits to stink. I run around the house with my nose in my armpit trying to get Neil to admit they stink. He never does.

Enjoy!

randomness

noreply@blogger.com (Little Miss Sassypants) — Tue, 10 Feb 2009 20:20:00 +0000

1) In like 3.5 hours I have to do a 45 min presentation to a group of 20 year olds pretending to be sixth graders and I am freaking out! I am planning to bribe them with candy.

2) I am CRAVING a bag of salt and vinegar chips hard core!!!!!!!! Must eat carbs!

3) I need a dye job, my roots are an inch long.

4) Neil has taken on the responsibility of cooking AND cleaning up dinner for two nights in a row. How awesome is that?

5) Last night the eye doctor dilated both my eyes, however one eye un-dilated after a few hours and the other one didn't. I couldn't stop staring at my eyes in the mirror because having one giant pupil made me look like a super freak and I liked it.

6) The highlight of my day, is staying up in order to watch the bad girls club tonight.

7) I am sad that I have bangs, because no one will see the bindi I plan to wear at the Indian wedding reception I am going to.

8)I can't believe what a bunch a douche bags we elected into congress. And the senate sucks ass. I hate Nancy Pelosi. I think the porn star who is trying to run would do a better job as speaker of the house!

9) I can subconsciously feel my IUD all the time.

10) I feel like I am on the verge of becoming one hell of a crafty bitch.

11) I think if I was someone else, I would be friends with me.

12) My dreams are really exhausting. Sometimes I wake up tired because my dreams wear me out!

13) I heart Iris Medlen, one could not ask for a better work wife.

14) I think that George Bush cost MS sufferers eight years of valuable stem cell research and for that I hate him the most!

15) I would give up having big breasts for a big booty any day!

16) Even though everyone thinks I am joking, I really do want to have Yoshi stuffed and mounted after he dies. Yes, I am that obsessed with him.

17) Speaking of death, when I die, I want my friends to throw a huge party. With lots of good music and lot's of dancing. I want pictures and flowers EVEYWHERE and I want EVERYONE to say a long eulogy about how awesome I was. Ohh and I think it should be a potluck as well. A vegetarian potluck.

18) It really bothers me that pigs are smart enough to play video games. I ate a fair amount of pork in my youth.

19) More strangers read my blog, then my friends do. My friends aren't very interested in my life, however strangers are. I think that is weird.

20) I hate Facebook, but I use it anyway because all of my friends are using it now. I am indeed a follower.

21) No matter how hard I try, I can't seem to shed my hippy roots. Damn you mother.

22) I have a strange obsession with Ted Haggarty.

23) I am afraid of electricity and plane crashes.

24) Cockroaches don't bother me in the least. When I see them creeping around my house, I talk to them.

25) The moment I start to take life too seriously is the moment I start contemplating suicide.

26) I have a tendency to confess things that I feel guilty about to random people at inappropriate times. I think it is the secret Catholic in me.